I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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