Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
