I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
