Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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