Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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