Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
one might say we're banned from that church
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
