:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
