But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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