Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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