I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
