everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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