My liver just broke up with me...
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
