Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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