what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
