Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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