Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
