let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
