Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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