I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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