I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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