I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
