it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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