Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I still have a little drunk in my system
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
