I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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