Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
