I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
