party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
