I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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