So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
