Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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