I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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