You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
