We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
