do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
