did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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