the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
