I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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