i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
