I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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