Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
