she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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