I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
