im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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