11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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