I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
