bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
