If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
organizing the empties. That sober.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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