I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
