Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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