Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
