These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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